Not OK

So i met this person who making me feel such…… i’m not sure how to say it. For the first time ever, knowing what i want is not helping at all when i tried to finding my happiness. Somehow, being so true and so care is just not taking me to a place where i wanted to be.        And it’s over a year now since i met that person. A person that my 4 days long weekend was such a wonderful time ever. But tears all over til now. I never heard myself so weak and useless before about someone unless it’s my family.

My iPad makes me cry, gummy bear makes me cry, yogurt makes me cry, a bottled water makes me cry, a grey t-shirt makes me cry, a Budha’s statue makes me cry, Skype makes me cry, Shangri La Hotel makes me cry, Bangkok makes me cry…

Are the clues.. Leading it to who the person is.

I’m not blaming that person for my feeling. I’m not blaming that person for the tears. I’m the one to blame. Myself and my feelings.I’m the one to blame when i become very predictable for that person. For i can’t get over it. Yet.

I fell in love and i stay in love with a person that doesn’t have the same feeling. Not that much. Never that much. Can’t be that much.Some says that person was a wrong person. Well, no.. Not a wrong person. But it was a wrong time. Wrong for that person though it was a perfect time for me. I know it was…

I don’t know if i ever go back traveling to Bangkok because i might cry over a corner of the street for every bit memory. It’s always been there. It always been that person. Those promises. I keep mine and wondering what about that person’s ?

Well, it’s not ok to tell someone that you’re not ready when that person is taking you the way you are and willing to commit the whole life to you. It’s not ok to walk away and come back saying sorry like forgetting is so easy to do.

Just not ok..

– AM –


3 thoughts on “Not OK

  1. I hope it’s a 2 way road for you and I hope that you find the ending you’re looking for. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. So until then just pray that things will go well but somehow if it doesn’t…well, just remember that You’ll Never Walk Alone cos God will always be there to walk with you. 🙂

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